Who, or How you should be …

June 17, 2022


JL Keez

Where you carry another’s story
Deep within your soul
The time will arrive, when
Carrying that weight
Will make its presence felt

Release the threads that bind
Release those words once feared
For this story of another’s
Is no longer yours to own

Free that inner child
To walk upon this earth
With dances in your step
And joy within your heart…
(Copyright: JL Keez: 2019)

Sometimes when an eating disorder enters our lives, it can be as a result of living within someone else’s story. What do I mean? The person experiencing the eating disorder is not free to live their authenticity, they are trapped by someone else’s words…words which determined how, as a person, they need to live. Who we are becomes lost beneath these words. As life progresses, our body tries in vain to communicate with us. We may experience sadness, frustration, anger, rebellion tendencies, or such. Where these kinds of emotions/behaviours emerge it could well be that somewhere inside you are feeling the disconnection between who you know you are and how you believe you should be.

Using three different scenarios, allow me to explain. As little ones, we begin to experience life. Those responsible for us are doing their very best to teach us about life. They may be guiding you as they were guided when they grew up. They would not be aware that perhaps you are reacting to them for some reason. Where, in your healing work, you identify that you are perhaps reacting to life in this way, I encourage you to open the door to sharing your concerns. Discover how you can resolve your feelings. The people you talk with may enjoy the opportunity to understand what you are learning. They may even join you on your healing journey and do some healing themselves.

A second scenario may not be as easy to resolve. You know you are afraid of something and feel it connects with someone else, but you do not understand why. This is the scenario where you may have been forced to follow a certain path. Due to the fear that is present, you find yourself developing this eating disorder in order to cope. This outcome requires professional assistance.

Then there is the third scenario where you find yourself being bullied. To be accepted you turn yourself inside out. You design a whole new version of yourself. This you, however, is a fraud, and the eating disorder is evidence of that.

In each of these scenarios, there exists that push to be someone you are not in order to be accepted. Whatever the background is for you, when you come to the decision to no longer be who you feel you should be, and instead be how you should be – I encourage you to explore this area in your life.

As the divide between who and how you should be widens, the deeper and longer you will be entrenched within the eating disorder. Where you live within another’s script, another’s story for life, your body will try to tell you … somehow…

As the threads of life weave themselves throughout our days, we respond to the words we hear regarding how life works! Sometimes these words will nourish us, and support us. Sometimes words spoken may confine us. Where these words consistently appear, they have the opportunity to infuse their impact on our development. These are the words one needs to challenge when healing. Where these words are tied up with another’s story about how to live, it can produce anxiety and blocks. Sorting this out is required. Who you are is waiting for this to be undertaken …

Once the decision to recover is made, I encourage you to connect with the one who has walked this path before you. I strongly suggest you also add ‘nurturing and nourishing’ yourself to the process. The way you ‘nurture and nourish’ will be up to you, depending upon what helps you to relax. it may be drawing, yoga, reading, walking, watching movies, doing floristry (one of my favourites), riding your bike, cooking, painting, writing – the list is endless! I do know, that with whatever you choose, the more often you do this activity, the more you will align with yourself. Over time, you will come to know who you really are and what you are all about. These moments of ‘nurture and nourish’ will deliver clarity. They will give your body the opportunity to recover.

Draw up a list of nurturing activities you would enjoy – those which put a smile on your face, allowing you to be completely you. As you heal, set aside time to do these activities. Remove everything else from your thinking, leave your healing questions at the door. Be absolutely in the moment. Nothing else exists but you and your activity. This is the time to reacquaint yourself with yourself, discovering that beautiful person locked away within the eating disorder.
Then, when you are ready, introduce us to this person …

Who we should be, as opposed to how we should be is as close as transferring one letter … picking up the ‘w’ in how and placing it at the beginning of the word instead. This creates the change that supports you. How, with the ‘w’ at the start becomes who – a simple manipulation of lettering … but a powerful metaphor for healing. The road undertaken to achieve this shift can be challenging. This, however, is the very shift in life which may free you to live life as you were meant to, and, deserve to.

Take HOW , transfer the ‘W’ to the front , create WHO…


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