Head in hands I sit. The dark of the night swirling once more in vicious acknowledgement that suicidal depression is an entity to be feared. Why do you exist? Why are you with me? How do I get rid of you? 1 in 2 young people across Australia are impacted by suicide by the age of twenty-five, (suicidepreventionaust.org). Debilitating and deadly, I had become a statistic in a world where recovery was a bleak ‘no’; determination joined me with ‘yes’ being my motivation.
As I walked the road of recovery I asked the question regarding exactly why this entity existed. Walls to understanding stood strong. Medical professions armed with their apparent knowledge informed me time and again that this was the ‘luck-of-the-draw’; management would be the coping mechanism. The message as to this development was embedded in some sort of vague description linked to my genes, family line, and propensity to eventually fall into this tyrants grip. It was also connected somehow to the definition of ‘mental illness’. Here I was facing another full grown conclusion doomed to a life of surviving through measured coping.
Mental illness be damned; suicidal depression you will not win!
Deciding to research and understand my demise I came across a psychologist practicing ‘Reality Therapy’. What a find! Life events, messages taught from conception, unfolding knowledge of childhood trauma in the form of sexual abuse, and being raised within a constricted family culture, were joining it seemed in conspired awareness to take me to
the brink of life for the purpose of disclosure with healing the goal. That sounded bleak! Yet, I was to learn that our bodies, in caring wisdom, develop disease(s) as a method of communication; of making us humans take notice. From this position, connected understanding as to why suicidal depression exists can no longer hide.
For me, I discovered a range of impacting elements that together became a heavy weight; too heavy for my body to carry. Slipping into an eating disorder, along with a range of mental illnesses, was in fact the wake-up call I needed to shove me in the direction of educated understanding. Finding myself in this space of learning I challenged my presenting elements for truth. Unpacking the information gained proved invaluable.
Guided to speak with suicidal depression – are you kidding – words of understanding emanated. Suicidal depression shared a wealth of reasons as they why ‘it’ was with me.
Through acknowledging the interconnected clues born from life events, messages taught, trauma experienced, and constricting family culture, I was able to design solutions created for the purpose of the restoration of health. ‘Getting rid’ of suicidal depression was no mean feat. However, the conversations held in the dark, explored in the light, and re-evaluated for truth was indeed the path to be undertaken in order to leave this entity in a nearby bin – with an extremely tight lid! The elements from my life which saw suicidal depression join me, once clarified through understanding drew me toward this entity as in united compassion ‘we’ concurred we were actually on the same page:
To change the ‘no’ prescribed by the world, to the ‘yes’ of determination residing within my soul.
Suicidal depression requires unrelenting tenacity, a fight like no other, a mind committed to resolution. Working with this damned foe found me appreciating it was actually my confidant, my guide, my saviour, my friend. In gratitude, I thank you for staying the course, until in agreed consultation we parted ways … for good!
To learn more about this important subject: www.jlkeez.com.au/the-book/
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